Dear Tony,

Could I ever forget this day?

Could I ever forget what had transpired exactly seven years ago, a day after your birthday-where I managed to save a few from my 2-week allowance just to be able to buy you a cake-in which I was terribly disappointed because I had to hand it to your father instead to you because you had to be in school while I skipped mine just for that mini-surprise I had in mind. That day, one sunny afternoon, where I rushed my way home just to catch you coming home from university. Where I pretended I'm good playing basketball but knew I'm the worst by the way you and your sister secretly looking at each other while eyeing how I just relentlessly threw the ball to the rim and let the ball bounce everywhere but really, I just thought I had to figure a way to be 'in' just to be able to play with you all afternoon.

That cloudless, starry evening, where we sat across each other while you seating on a wooden bench, I was comfortably slouched on the cold, cemented landing talking nonsense for hours until I noticed you can't help but keep yawning and rubbing the sleepiness from your eyes. I could go on for hours, you see, because I didn't want the evening to end. It was the happiest day of my life: spending that evening with you for first time.

I remember it clearly. Honestly, I'm trying to forget it. I'm trying to forget you. But I simply can't. I remember it vividly that it stings. A memory I thought I could bury deep enough somewhere where I could never remember but it surfaced just in time to give me this bittersweet feeling but to tell the truth, it's a numbing experience I don't want you to feel ever.

I want to forget you, my love. I want to forget the cake I gave you in which I thought was your favorite flavor. The cake I carefully carried in my arms despite the unstable ride I had to your place. The cake I never ate with you. I want to forget that sunny afternoon where I nearly killed myself from running for a ride to escape traffic on my way home. I want to forget the way I looked at you while you were playing and I'm outside the basketball court, waiting for you to ask me to come in and play with you. I want to forget how beautiful you were that day. I want to forget that I fell in love with you that very same day.

I just want to forget everything that happened days after that.

But how could I? When it's all too clear it seemed happened yesterday.

You don't know how much I'm missing you.

I want to forget but it hurts all the way.

Forever here,
sj